Speckled Green

Looking at the photos of formal, Year 12, past years, from parties, school events, days out, and such, I asked myself a simple question.

If the world were to end now, would I have any regrets about my life?

And yet, despite the simple nature of the question, I find myself thinking that its answer is a very deep and complex one, an answer that causes me to think deeply, relive yet more memories, and an answer which I am finding it very hard to, well, answer. I suppose that like most people, there are things I do regret about my life, things that I wish I had done differently or not at all, but large portions of my life I do not regret at all. In fact, I’m quite glad to have such cheerful, supportive and fun friends, and I can only hope that we continue to be good friends throughout our lives and well beyond our high-school (or uni) years.

Then there are the moments that I ponder about, wondering, if I had done something different, then would these events have unfolded like they have, or would I be a different person (e.g., an obvious one, say I didn’t make it into Baulko, and I went to Girraween instead? What would I be like then?). I suppose one thing to do is to say “what’s done is done” and just look to the future, take the days as they come and thank God for the blessings he’s given us. Another thing would be to dwell on the past. But that sounds lonely.

But ignoring all this, I’m just going to briefly mention that I’m a little scared of the future ahead of me. I’ve absolutely no idea what it’s going to be like to apply for Uni, or even starting it. It’s just so different, and like most humans, I don’t like change. And looking for a job (I’ve mentioned all this before, haven’t I? This morning, I believe) is somewhat daunting. One of my friends is continually ‘worrying’ about not seeing any of us regularly, and I’ve just realised that this will be sadly true, since despite regular get togethers, it won’t be the same as seeing each other every weekday at school. I’m all grown up now, and I need to start taking on the responsibility that accompanies the independence that comes with growing up. Speaking of growing up, my mum spent 10 minutes this morning telling me how she was proud of how I’d grown up to be a fine young man (paraphrasing a bit). I’m wondering, do I really downplay my abilities? I don’t think I ever downplay myself, I’m just being honest about how I view myself compared to others.

Anyways, time for some well earned sleep. And I can return to looking through photos and getting a little emotional tomorrow.

TTFN!! Ta Ta For Now!